Unsung Heroes

 

I think unpaid carers are such heroes. It’s all good and well people saying it must be tough or they are good but since working in my role I have seen just how incredible they are.

I have heard amazing stories from people who have slept on the floor to be there for a loved one or not gone to bed until the person has fallen asleep because they get anxious. They give up their time, energy, space, relationships, and lives to support the people that are important to them, and I applaud them.

It’s all good and well me speaking to them and getting home care in place or respite but this doesn’t take away the strain that is on their shoulders. I may be able to try and help or see what can be utilised to give them a break, but they still come back to it. They still lose sleep because they are worrying if that person is okay, and I cannot even begin to imagine what that feels like.

I am in a role that cares about people, and I definitely don’t always take my Social Work hat off at the end of the day, but it is still a job. I don’t do it 24/7, 365 days a year. I definitely have had sleepless nights or not been able to switch off thinking about cases but the relationship I have with that person is not the same. They aren’t my loved one so although I can feel worried for them, I won’t be the person who is contacted in the middle of the night and experience broken sleep because they have had a fall. I won’t be the person making sure that they have enough food in the cupboards or that everything in the house is working.

I am there on the edge of that person’s world and pop in as and when I am needed to sort something or provide something that wasn’t there before but even with cases, we work for longer the relationship that is built will end at some point. It is one of the few times that can be said. Most of the time we go into new relationships, whatever type of relationship it is expecting it to last. Whereas in Social Work and it was the same when I worked in nurseries, those relationships have a ticking clock on them and will end at some point. Weirdly the better you do the sooner they end in terms of Social Work, which is even stranger, but our focus isn’t to become someone’s crutch. Our focus is to support them to achieve the outcomes that they would like, make sure everything they need is in place to get them there, check it is working and then the relationship ends.

Sometimes when I work with people although they are in the centre and when discussing what will happen, I will make sure they are always involved a lot of the time I speak to the family more. This I think comes down to the fact I work predominantly with other people, a lot of whom can’t really hear on the phone or due to Dementia they cannot remember who they have spoken to. So, this means I liaise with the family, and I have definitely had occasions where I speak to people for an hour at a time, where they cry and then apologise. The first thing I always say when they apologise to me for getting upset is that they have nothing to apologise for because at the end of the day they are only human and can only give so much.

As humans we expect so much of ourselves and I see so much guilt in carers who have got to a stage where they have burnt out and can’t provide that support anymore and I always remind them that they have done a fantastic job so far and that we will find a way to make sure that their family member is happy and well looked after.

Although they are heroes in what they manage they are only human underneath.