Difficult Questions

 

I went for an opticians appointment this week and whilst they were doing the pre screening a box popped up on the screen to ask my ethnicity and the person immediately closed the box. I volunteered my ethnicity to her and she explained that she feels uncomfortable asking because you never know how someone will react and it got me thinking.

Isn't it interesting what people see as difficult questions and what makes one person uncomfortable to ask wouldn't faze the next person. I personally am pretty comfortable asking most things and I am happy to answer questions about myself and parts of my identity that others would feel uncomfortable asking about.

As part of our role we have to make sure that the person's record is up to date with all parts of their identity and some of those can be tricky to ask. People don't always feel comfortable asking about gender identity or sexual orientation. Through discussions at workshops I have attended people mainly found this difficult with the older generations. People felt that if they mentioned gender identity to people in this category they may respond in such a way that would suggest that they don't know what they are talking about.

Also having a discussion with people of a certain age about sexual orientation was something that people were divided about. I think a lot of this is fear of making people feel uncomfortable and potentially damaging a relationship that they are trying to build. It is understandable for some people to feel uncomfortable to share their sexual orientation because they have potentially lived through a time where it was illegal or seen as a mental illness. They may not know what to expect from the person who is supporting them. The world has improved but there is definitely still issues such as homophobia, transphobia and racism out there.

I think some of the fear about asking people about these parts of their identity is making someone concerned to share for fear of a negative reaction. They also may not know the answer themselves because they were raised in a time where subjects like this were not discussed or were seen in such a negative way that people experience a lot of internalised homophobia.

I find it interesting that as Social Workers we will ask people questions about how they manage day to day with things such as personal cares or toileting but struggle to ask their ethnicity or sexual orientation. For me I would feel that discussing how I manage to use the toilet or being incontinent would be more tricky than saying my ethnicity or sexual orientation if I was speaking to a professional. Whereas this is something that I ask on a regular basis without any hesitation as do most of my colleagues.

You can usually tell how comfortable someone is going to be having open conversations from the initial contact. Some people are more closed off and it can feel more like getting blood from a stone whereas others are very open and happy to discuss most things that you ask them. The conversation just seems to flow and they tell you all about their lives. This is one of my favourite parts of the job and takes very little effort on my part in situations like this. These types of contacts with people are the ones that allow me to complete the best assessment because it can be more person centred and detailed. This allows for more of an insight into the person as opposed to just statements of fact regarding their needs. It lets you focus on their strengths and what matters to them. A lot of the time you end up with the answers to the “difficult” questions through the flow of conversation so never actually need to ask in the first place.