In their shoes

How would you like to be told to make a decision without all the relevant information? How would you like it if someone made a decision for you and didn't even ask you what you thought? How would you like it if someone disregarded what you wanted because it was easier for them?

I would be angry, frustrated, sad, upset and many other emotions but there are so many conversations that happen in Social Work specifically with older people where we are told that they need something because family would find it easier not necessarily because it is what is best for the person.

I have had cases where people don't really want me there because they hold Power of Attorney and have already made a decision. I have explained more times than I can count that Power of Attorney for Health and Welfare only kicks in or becomes active when someone loses capacity to make the specific decision. It does not allow you to make decisions for someone who has the capacity to make it for themselves. It is not something to use so that you can manipulate a situation to what you want it to be.

Don't get me wrong I take into consideration how family members or carers are managing too but I am involved for the person and everything else is peripheral. I appreciate that someone is struggling with caring at home but allow support to be provided in the home before skipping a lot of steps and trying to have someone in a care home who does not necessarily need to be there yet. If they own or are with you on the house then they have just as much right to be there as you do and you cannot just decide that you won't allow them back.

There are definitely situations where returning home is not a suitable option or the right thing for someone but we must exhaust all other options and support types first before that decision is made unless there is a lot of evidence as to why a return home would not be suitable if there has been no other support provided to alleviate the difficulties and carer strain first.

I think that thinking about it as if you were in their shoes can help to frame the situation a different way. If that person was younger and wanted to remain at home would it be an issue. Is it just because they are older that a problem exists? Think about how you would feel if someone tried to make your decisions for you. Most of the time families or carers are making a decision because they think it is the best thing for that person when it may not actually be what they want.

This also leans into capacity concerns because families can make comments about the fact that the person lacks capacity without understanding what that actually means and that it is not a blanket statement. I always explain that it is time and decision specific so even if they lacked capacity for a decision previously that does not necessarily mean they will lack capacity for the current one.

This is where Social Workers are so important because if we were not involved people can end up getting pushed into decisions or places that they may not necessarily want to be because someone else decided for them and there was nobody to speak up for them. It is our role to advocate for the person and make sure that there wishes are heard no matter how loudly other people may be shouting something else.